Maybe

A 'When push comes to shove' situation on New Year's morning made me re-evaluate my thinking processes and a complacency I've fallen into recently. The day before the eve of the New Year, I thought, Maybe I don't forgive and forget as easily as I thought.

This doubt nearly destroyed what I believed in and what I wanted to remember to strive for. In my tormented doubt then, of my abilities to forgive, to forget and just doing, I thought, Maybe it’s something more inherent. Some psychoanalytical pseudoscience I was always sceptical about - some regression, transference thingmabob.

So I did the Attachment Style questionnaire again just for assurance. Results came out Secure again. And I breathed a sigh of relief, albeit a wee bit doubtful. But it being the last of 2008, I need to eliminate doubt. Doubt in myself and doubt in all the things I believe in.

With the advent of the new year, I have decided to just believe and DO it. Forgiveness and trust are powerful things. They change things, make things happen and drive forth a growing process. And above it all, love is a powerful motivator in any process (Fear is too, haha, but love and fear share almost the same brain limbic circuits). So, in the spirit of the city I'm stuck in : 'Die die must try.'

Maybe it’s me,
What is to be,
Maybe lucky,
All I ask is where we’re supposed to be.

Maybe learning,
Always searching,
Am I asking things,
I’ll know too soon, I’ll know too soon.

excerpts i can relate my end of 2008 'crisis' to, from Maybe, by Stereophonics)

It was all in the words. But maybe now, the words need to be changed.

Happy new year.