Pre-quarter Life Crisis?
Is this all there is to life?
Something doesn't measure up. Life has not measured up to my expectations. Everything seems mediocre at the moment. I'm not developing, nor learning anything different, nor having too intelligent conversations (plausibly due to the lack of engaging people around me on a daily basis), working long hours and not seeing my savings budge, (rather I'm tired and broke a lot of the time with very little time to apply for scholarships). The same mundane routine every day, same mind-numbing commute, same boring city-scape and its bloody crowded malls. Is this a post-university-fresh-addition-to-the-workforce syndrome? Do I have too high expectations? Is there even SUCH a thing as 'too high' expectations?!
Maybe I'm too jaded now to count my blessings. There are people living in conditions of famine and poverty now, with barely enough clean water to drink, menopausal mothers who are forced to take on multiple jobs sweeping leaves in the early morning, work day-shifts at McDonalds and moonlighting at Geylang at night to pay for their sixth child, who perhaps has just become paraplegic from a recent spinal injury that left him suddenly in a lurch in a new world and a new kind of emotional depression to deal with. Broken hearts, broken lives, living in countries where beheadings are common and females are circumsised and stoned. Maybe worse things.
I should be thankful. Singapore is a clean, safe and efficient place. I have a job during the recession. I have Paul with me. We live in a cosy little flat in the heart of the best area in SG and have (barely) afforded two holidays already and a visit back to England coming up. My mom & best friend are not far away and healthy. Otis, despite his old-age cataract, still recognizes me. I'm healthy and happy enough most of the time. I have a couple of friends I can escape with for a cake/tea in the park. I guess I should be thankful. Just need reminders every now and again.
I thought I had it all sussed out as a kid. That I would miss my routine school life loads, but my teenage years would be fun, and I'd find more of me and figure things out more 'later'. In my teens, I found more of myself, lost some along the way, and was geared up to try out my 'stable' personality in university in a different continent, thinking that I'd have it all sussed out during uni. At uni, i complained of the weather and general racism i faced, and the lack of quality friendships, ploughed myself into producing quality academic work and actively engaged in co-curricular activities, met a terrific man along the way and found out what it really felt like to be in love. Life's settled then! I thought that with my holistic CV of a 1st class degree, achievements, accolades, support from the people I love and resilience from life experiences, I'd have the world at my feet. I had high hopes for the future. I knew tht when I reach the adult-y stages of work life, I'd have it all sussed out. But at 23 and paying income tax, I'll have to say, I haven't quite figured it out yet. I'm guessing that when I turn 24 this year, I'd STILL haven't found my answers nor a real direction in life yet. 25's probably not any less uncertain. Hopefully less empty though. *crosses fingers and toes*
Currently am crazy over :
- Glossy lip colours (Majolica range),
- Slumdog Millionaire the movie (I thought Jamal was the ultimate sweetie and the gentleman many femme fatale girls could start pinning their hopes on again. Until I watched an interview of the British guy who played the humble/determined Mumbai teen from the slums. Then realized that he reminded me of Z, my loud Asian Brit friend who used to date my friend. *note to teenage girls to crush hopes*)
- James Morrison
- sexy Jazz music (first inkling that I'm getting old. The young me swore never to like 'old man Jazz')
Something doesn't measure up. Life has not measured up to my expectations. Everything seems mediocre at the moment. I'm not developing, nor learning anything different, nor having too intelligent conversations (plausibly due to the lack of engaging people around me on a daily basis), working long hours and not seeing my savings budge, (rather I'm tired and broke a lot of the time with very little time to apply for scholarships). The same mundane routine every day, same mind-numbing commute, same boring city-scape and its bloody crowded malls. Is this a post-university-fresh-addition-to-the-workforce syndrome? Do I have too high expectations? Is there even SUCH a thing as 'too high' expectations?!
Maybe I'm too jaded now to count my blessings. There are people living in conditions of famine and poverty now, with barely enough clean water to drink, menopausal mothers who are forced to take on multiple jobs sweeping leaves in the early morning, work day-shifts at McDonalds and moonlighting at Geylang at night to pay for their sixth child, who perhaps has just become paraplegic from a recent spinal injury that left him suddenly in a lurch in a new world and a new kind of emotional depression to deal with. Broken hearts, broken lives, living in countries where beheadings are common and females are circumsised and stoned. Maybe worse things.
I should be thankful. Singapore is a clean, safe and efficient place. I have a job during the recession. I have Paul with me. We live in a cosy little flat in the heart of the best area in SG and have (barely) afforded two holidays already and a visit back to England coming up. My mom & best friend are not far away and healthy. Otis, despite his old-age cataract, still recognizes me. I'm healthy and happy enough most of the time. I have a couple of friends I can escape with for a cake/tea in the park. I guess I should be thankful. Just need reminders every now and again.
I thought I had it all sussed out as a kid. That I would miss my routine school life loads, but my teenage years would be fun, and I'd find more of me and figure things out more 'later'. In my teens, I found more of myself, lost some along the way, and was geared up to try out my 'stable' personality in university in a different continent, thinking that I'd have it all sussed out during uni. At uni, i complained of the weather and general racism i faced, and the lack of quality friendships, ploughed myself into producing quality academic work and actively engaged in co-curricular activities, met a terrific man along the way and found out what it really felt like to be in love. Life's settled then! I thought that with my holistic CV of a 1st class degree, achievements, accolades, support from the people I love and resilience from life experiences, I'd have the world at my feet. I had high hopes for the future. I knew tht when I reach the adult-y stages of work life, I'd have it all sussed out. But at 23 and paying income tax, I'll have to say, I haven't quite figured it out yet. I'm guessing that when I turn 24 this year, I'd STILL haven't found my answers nor a real direction in life yet. 25's probably not any less uncertain. Hopefully less empty though. *crosses fingers and toes*
Currently am crazy over :
- Glossy lip colours (Majolica range),
- Slumdog Millionaire the movie (I thought Jamal was the ultimate sweetie and the gentleman many femme fatale girls could start pinning their hopes on again. Until I watched an interview of the British guy who played the humble/determined Mumbai teen from the slums. Then realized that he reminded me of Z, my loud Asian Brit friend who used to date my friend. *note to teenage girls to crush hopes*)
- James Morrison
- sexy Jazz music (first inkling that I'm getting old. The young me swore never to like 'old man Jazz')
posted by shuey @ 20:19
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