Intriguing Mercury

Well! My project draft's almost finished. Just appendices and references to look into. I can't believe it's taken this long. My entire 3rd year's build up for this one lone project, it has to be perfect! It is THE report. Will go play tennis tomorrow if it's sunny and not too cold, need to hit some balls!! Need to let off steam!

Am quite broke now (!@#$%^& british pound!) shopped at the Next sale and junk-food grocery shopped yesterday then went to Pozition's last night. Entry was 6 pounds on Sat nite. RIP-OFF. It was SO packed inside. The queue to get in was snaking AROUND the building! And queuing in a dress in the bloody cold (complete with wind gusts) is PURE TORTURE. We were supposed to go to Fuel, Hull's gay club, but decided against it after Alvin pulled out due to hay fever. Johnny's text before we left : "Be prepared for gayness"...heheheh... YEAH, it would've been more interesting than the R&B tunes we were dancing to the whole night. *Note: R&B is not my thing, i decided. It's alright for a bit, but it lacks character and gets boring after a while. CHEESE music on the other hand...*

So anyways. Speaking of cheese, while searching up some cheese on Youtube, like Queen's 'Dont stop me now' etc, I came across a fascination character - Freddy Mercury. Immortalized in pictures, videos and a lack of interviews just peaked more curiosity. It must be something to be him, he thrives on crowd energy, the ultimate performer. Kinda makes u wish u were a rock star playing to millions too. Apparently, he's Indian but lived most his life in England and calls himself Persian. Hmm. He's an enigmatic character, there's just something about him, his musical talent....four-octave voice...stage presence...TEETH? I can see why or how people fell for him. He's got a LOT of charisma. All that energy and passion he exudes on stage makes him sexy, and probably gave him a constant supply of the same thing that gave him AIDS. He was the ultimate Cad (as opposed to Dad, read my study and u'll see *smug-i-understand-the-mating-world-grin*), therefore attracting the kind of people who are naturally attracted to Cads or even be Cads themselves. No long-term potential. He's probably my dentist's worst nightmare too. Wonder if he spits while singing on stage...or leaves his microphone all slobbery during a performance...

ANYWAYS.

It's been 5 months since that angry walk up the cold beach. Time's past by so fast and yet it seems like it never moved. I see the resemblance of this to behaviour reported with the death of an attachment figure. Even now it still hurts me like mad to know someone else i care about so much was hurt so much more and might still be reeling from the pain. Imagining it alone is painful. It will soon be half a year since my life took that turn, and yet some things remain static. Frozen in a blurry haze. The ambivalent period gets to me worst, at the rate it was going, and if it picked up again, it probably might have ended anyways. With the bad things, came the good as well, and those memories I will always keep. It's just the times when the dying phase gets evoked, those memories become haunting. Time to curl up under the duvet and let my mind do more thinkin and hopefully come closer to coming to terms with it all.