The Daffodils and Sunshine

I used to dance a lot. To songs. And sing along. And pretend I was a disco diva. Sometimes a punk rocker chick. Or a broadway star! I was the burst-into-song Mamma Mia kind!

I used to skip along the road plugged into my favourite songs. Always carefree. Always in my own field of daffodils and sunshine. Of happy people. Of good memories.

I realize since I stepped into the rat race. That has somewhat fizzled out.

Taking over, someone who is constantly on the guard. Someone who needs to cope. I've stopped listening to songs. Songs of the moment don't define my life anymore, as they used to. Songs of the moment or moments passed that remind me of good times and a simple, but good life.

Don't get me wrong, I love the current job I'm in now. So far anyways. I am actually learning all the time, I've got an encouraging boss, genuinely nice colleagues, and children who come in are most of the time, amusing. And a lot of the time, I like the living-in bit, it's nice building our little hippy home.

I have also stopped writing. Hence the slow demise of this blog. Is it just the lack of time? Or the lack of drama now? I've got a stable job, I live not far from home, I like my job, and a pretty stable love life (We're almost 2 years now WheeEEeEee!).

So I'd like to think not. I hope not anyways. Lack of drama is not a bad thing!

Has my life become... ROUTINE?? NORMAL?? MUNDAAANNEEEEEEE??

I remember reading a post I wrote ages ago when I was still at uni. And my fear was of the mundane. Maybe I didn't quite define that right. Maybe it's stability. I fear mundanity (IS THERE SUCH A WORD??), but I crave stability. What a contradiction. Or maybe it isn't at all. Because they are not of the same entity to begin with anyways, as my 22 year old mind (and therefore less matured, obviously) led me to believe before. Maybe priorities changed. Maybe the priorities were based on misperceptions anyways. Stability isn't necessarily mundane.

Maybe I'm just growing up. Gaining insight. Or maybe I've sunk into the gray of the working world. We all seem like zombies in the city. With no time nor space for naivety.

But sometimes. Just sometimes, I see that goofy girl with flowers in her hair, see her wanting to sneak back out to the world of everything-has-a-happy-ending, skipping along the side of the busy city road, half a silly smile on her face, trusting everyone to have a good streak in them, humming "Just Can't Get Enough".

I've actually seen her prominently TWICE since I got to Singapore. Of late. It's a sudden thrill realizing that that person is you. Still you. While sitting among the zombies in the public city bus. In those moments, I've got myself have a sudden content smile on my face. Maybe that person never changed. Maybe never will.

Time to start collecting songs again.